Express

  • 9/16/2009 Transplant plus 3 yrs and 16 days!
    We returned to our beach home on September 13. Bonnie has seen her NC opthamalogist twice. The defect in her cornea remains healed. She will now start to take the lens out twice a day to clean it. We enjoyed our time with Beanie and the now beautiful weather of New England. Now we are enjoying our grandchildren and views of the ocean.

November 2009

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Jackson Visit

  • 01_grandbee_and_me_035
    Jackson spent a few hours with us today (January 21st).

Travels 'n Stuff

  • 05-07 Fireworks Bellingham
    Here are pictures of our friends, places we've been, remodeling projects we have done or are engaged in.

Cousins

  • Aunt Deb holds 10 week Lucas
    Some pictures from Zac and Luc's visit to Boston to see their cousin Jack

« Hope. The season of coming out of the darkness. | Main | Good news - No Rocks in Bonnie's Skull, But her Cataract Surgery is off for now. »

April 24, 2009

Comments

Sally

as i'm reading, i'm aware everyone who is reading this must also be shaking their heads in disbelief and frustration. and just a few paragraphs later, we're thankful to be alive. how inspiring. thanks, daniel and bonnie. love, sally

betsy

ugh...................................betsy

betsy

Daniel, Bonnie---this post could best be put under the last one as it's about caregivers and the dying process. It's about that catagory Daniel so well opened up about caring for oneself. Right now I am supporting two women as they prepare to pass over. I'm currently making prayer ties for one as well as working with a huge group who support the other in helping them understand how to care for themselves during the last weeks. On my vision quest I really learned a lot about the power of prayer, eating and drinking deeply and well by support givers. On a quest, when those going up the hill or into the desert refrain from eating and drinking---the support team below keep a fire burning (for warmth) and they prepare and eat lots of good foods (especially foods they know the quester loves). I thought of how in our culture when someone is dying friends bring food to the family. And yet, in our culture we spend a GREAT deal of time "getting the dying person to eat...eye droppers of food, custords, cakes, etc.) EATING WHEN YOU ARE READY TO PASS OVER IS A REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD IDEA. And yet it's what we do. Often all the food brought over goes to waste as caregivers "loose their appetites".....REALLY BAD IDEA. When caregivers near and far, eat well, drink well, stay very hydrated, stay deeply in prayer THIS is what best supports the "sheading on ones skin" a less and less necessariy skin as one become more spirit and less body. Bonnie is not yet ready to pass over----but in the last years, even more in last months we've seen her skin be less and less a vehicle for the powerful spirit she always has been and is more and more becoming. Now her eyes. I HATE that BONNIE cannot see!!!!! AND AND AND I know that her eyes will be less less needed as her spirit becomes bigger and brighter. I know that her body is already not the body to support such ferocity, the bigness of the prayer she is. So for me what it says is "I will read more" "I will walk more" I will do these things in prayer for Bonnie---not "wishing" that she should walk or see (although if that is God's way I will be very happy) but because it is deep way of prayer, a deep way of acknowledging that all things change, a deep way of being clear that body is not spirit or soul. How does one nourish the soul....that for me is the most profound question for Bonnie right now. And how do I support this nourishment. I don't nourish is by getting angry at the bumbling medical system. Personally, I still ask questions of when Bonnie will tire of going into one more hospital for anything (if anyone hasn't noticed...going in for anything often gets her much more than she bargained for including life threatening infections) Nourishment however..... an entirely different matter.

betsy

More on nourishment and the shedding of ones skin tomorrow! betsy

betsy

Why is it that we tend to write when there is a crisis and not when life is calm?

Daniel

Hi Betsy, Thank you for sharing what you have been doing with both your clients / patients and their families. It is always interesting to hear and try to visualize what others are going through and doing about it.

I can assure you that no one is currently having has to insist that Bonnie "Eat, eat". She is in love with her tea ritual in the morning. 3 cups of tea, including a dollop or two of honey in each one. When I get up and make espresso, she has the frothiest part of the steamed milk. I call her "La Crema" and kiss her forehead. She smiles her Bonnie smile.

At night I find contrails of stickiness on the brazilian cherry floors. I have to laugh. Bonnie can not see when she is spilling honeyed-tea as she wheels her teacup around on the seat of her walker. I am not living with a starving person. I am living with Pooh Bear.

Bonnie also has whatever is "The Thing" she is really hungry for most everyday. She likes to be served the meat we have roasted or smoked as Mexican food. I make homemade refried pinto beans and yellow saffron rice, avocado, fresh salsa, fresh cilantro, sour cream. I roasted two organic chickens, one with Lemon Pepper and the other with TexasBBQRub. We had smoked leg of lamb last week and the week before it was smoked pork shoulder. Bonnie made the homemade meatballs and red sauce she had been hankering for. Bonnie completed her starvation cycle for the year in November and December. Food is definitely back in it's proper place of pleasure and even joy.

Now, as to why I write when things are crashing down and not much when things are sailing along. I think it is the same reason people pray when something dire is happening and are off enjoying life when things are blessedly normal. When I write in Bonnie's weblog, I get to see what I am sitting on and am in the midst of. I get clearer about whats up and what I need to do next. As a bonus people say that what we write here is Real and often Useful to them. Above all I get a needed sense of communion / community. Writing here is a Win / Win.

On one hand I dumbfounded, and angered by how jerky the health care system is for Chronically Ill out-patients (to say nothing of Chronically Ill in-patients) Our health care system does better with Acute, Episodic care, yet this is an era of growing Chronic Illness. There is train wreck on the tracks as baby-boomers are reaching 65 and beyond.

Bonnie is concerned about getting her sight back and can't help but notice the waiting, waiting and waiting. We hear the ocean tides and sands of time running.

On the other hand, we have been laughing and enjoying our little lives. We continue to put stuff away in the beach house. Bonnie is still unpacking boxes. It could be as much as two weeks more until the house is semi-normal and box free. I do the laundry and cook and clean.

We truly love playing house together. We have been living side by side for the better part of 7 years. We have fun and we love each other, which makes all of this much, much easier. We do well together, especially when we let each other "steer" our own bodies. Control, when things all around us are out of control, is an issue we continue to deal with. My karma continually runs over my dharma.

Our current delight is getting Abigail her first purse. Abi carefully unpacks, inspects and repacks Bonnie's 4 gallon LeSportSac purse every chance she gets. I have 5 E-bay auctions on colorful LeSportSac purses I am watching. Bonnie is gathering things like a folding brush and mirror to put into Abi's first purse. Bonnie is going to get Abi a plastic snapshot wallet picture, like Jennifer has in her purse.

I do not think we are dying just yet, and every sun sets.

Now, I think we have to be very persistent to get Bonnie through this MRSA thing and then through the next two cataract operations. Hell, since Bonnie is now able to walk around without a cane, she may as well see where she is going.

That's my story and I am sticking to it. /D

betsy

Hum.... I can see how it seemed like I was directing what I wrote at Bonnie--actually it was just stirred in me by my quest visions and the clients I am now seeing who are themselves preparing to pass over. Similarly---I was really writing more to all us "blog readers" than too you and Bonnie (about silence when all goes well) .....although it is wonderful to have gotten such a beautiful, rich, full, warm reply.

As I write this I am at my beloved Commonweal in the same little bedroom I occupied 15 years ago as a newly diagnosed breast cancer patient. Tomorrow is Alumni day and a few members of one of my support groups have come to scatter ashes of a recently departed friend. We will do this at 9, before Alumni Day brings us together with many more old and new comrades on this path.

I am just thinking a lot about the dying process as it interfaces with the living prcess these days. "Living into Dying" I guess is it more suscintly. We are such a "dying phobic" culture...alongside an "aging phobic" culture. These thoughts may also be more in focus as I turned 60 in February. I want dying to be seen as something other than a "failure" to survive. That's MY story and I'm sticking to it. B

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